Why bother do inner work?
I used to think that if you just showed up and did good work in the world, then all would be fine. Though being of service is an important aspect of a life of happiness, compassion and human connection, it can have a shadow side of codependency, projection and martyrdom.
Many think that doing the inner work can actually lead a person to being too self-obsessed and self-absorbed — that it’s only something only reserved for the privileged who have the time and money to navel gaze.
When the truth is the opposite.
Burnout from Giving Too Much to Others
I did years of activism, focusing on others and the outside world. Learning and contributing in real ways were absolutely fulfilling in many ways but they also became draining and dissatisfying. The world will always have problems and issues to fix. Burnout, depression and overwhelm, plus showing up with toxic moodiness, were all common traits I experienced along with my colleagues.
I had to take a step back and really ask myself “why”? Why was I doing what I was doing? Why did I care about the issues? Was it a hero complex? Or was it toxic empathy? Was it peer pressure? Was I using my skills and talents in the most effective ways? Was this all that life was about? Putting out fire after fire?
Also, what did it actually mean to live a fully human experience?
Being a burnt out, disempowered human wasn’t the point of social change. Something had to change and it was me.
Looking at Ourselves Honestly and Clearly
I had to examine that a lot of my inner motivations were rooted in unresolved conflicts from my past. I was making dysfunctional decisions because I didn’t do the work of figuring out who I was and giving others responsibility for being grown adults, too. I was trying to escape my own pain and self-hate by taking on issues and causes.
When I could look, with compassion, at my own path, wounds and ego, I was able to start aligning to a different form of service — one that was about showing up with a presence of deep listening, acceptance, and real responsiveness to the people in my life.
Instead of being pressured to sign petitions and sitting on boards and committees, I was able to take wise actions that were rooted in discernment and healthy boundaries rather than people-pleasing and rescuing.
Inner Work Leads to Real Change
While looking at my inner life, connecting more deeply to myself, becoming more self-aware and feeling energized, I have been able to make genuine, natural and empathetic decisions that not only honoured myself but the others in the world who I felt called to serve.
The causes I cared about became personal — raising awareness about violence against women, unknotting stigmas around poverty, and restoring dignity and self-worth after relationship trauma. I loved educating others and guiding them to discover their own place of self-love so they can know what they deserve rather than tolerate mistreatment and oppression and suppression.
I came to believe that having more people in the world who are self-actualized, in their truth and wisdom, and feeling healthy and loved in life, it actually creates a better world that overcomes inequality, exploitation and competition.
Otherwise there will always be power struggles and inherent victimization.
